Are separate beds the key to marital bliss?

Tagged with: mom

Samantha Schoech

posted in Mom Stories

According to a story published in England’s Daily Mail, 13% of British married coupled sleep apart. The original research seems to have been conducted by the UK’s leading “extra-marital dating site,” illicitenounters.com, so it can be assumed that there might be a slight bias (like, for instance, getting the site a little press). Furthermore, separate beds don’t always mean no sex, just as sharing the same bed doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a humpity-hump party every night.

But the statistic does beg the question: what is a marriage? And is physical intimacy a necessary ingredient for a good one? I mean, maybe Lucy and Ricky had the right idea with their chaste twin beds.

There have been lots of times when I’ve wanted to kick the snoring Mister out of the sack, but for us, sleeping apart is a sign of the end times. We’ve been married 12 years and I can count the number of times we’ve slept apart in the same house on one hand–and all of them involved either illness or extreme pregnancy. (Actually, I take that back. There was one time when I was too pissed to sleep next to him.)

The point is, sleeping in the same bed is extremely important to us. Not just sex. But physical closeness. Maybe because I am like a cat–I need to be petted and cuddled everyday or I start to feel lonely. I’m on of those “I love you” types. I probably say it at least 10 times a day. I’m a hugger and a kisser and a hand-holder. So it follows that I am a sleeper-togther-er.

Sleeping separately would feel so cold to me. So mean-spirited. But I know it’s not the same for everyone.

I once heard the writer Anne Patchett talk about how she and her husband not only had different bedrooms, they had different houses. On the same street. It worked for them. They could be together when they wanted but they could also have their own space. It sure would eliminate the need for those tedious toilet-seat-up-or-toilet-seat-down arguments.

Obviously the difference is why you are sleeping apart. Is it because you’ve agreed you are both more comfortable that way? Do you still have lots of affection and love? Or are you sleeping apart because you’d rather have as little to do with your spouse as possible? Does their horrible mouth-breathing make you homicidal?

According to illicitencounter and the Daily Mail story many couples are devoted and loving but just have no physical intimacy anymore–hence the membership on ilicitencounter. This is what I don’t understand. To me having no desire to be physically close to my spouse would be the same thing as not being in love. It just doesn’t seem like much of a marriage.

But maybe I’m being naive. This article from AARP claims separate beds can bring couples closer.

What do you think? Is physical intimacy necessary in a marriage? What about sharing a bed?

Photo courtesy of Morgue File.

Read more from source:“babycenter-com-baby”

Incoming search terms:

aarp couples who sleep apart, Ilicitencounter