20 Things You Should Never Say in Bed

In a quick and dirty poll of my girlfriends, I learned about half of them enjoyed a talking dirty in bed while the other half preferred to let their bodies do the talking.

When it comes to verbal communication between the sheets, there’s a distinct difference between dirty talk and phrases that should never, ever be uttered in bed.

Check out the 20 things you should never say in bed – after the jump!

Don’t worry, I’m being treated for that
I am worried, because I don’t want to be treated for that.
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I can’t wait to have a baby!
And he can’t wait to never sleep with you again!
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Just wait until my ex finds out!
What have we learned here? Let’s see, you’re being used for sex to get back at an ex who’s probably going to kill you. Yep, that’s about right.
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We should get married!
…or maybe we could just finish having sex instead.
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The condom broke
DUN DUN DUN!
Yes, you need to tell her. No, she won’t be happy.
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My dad can’t wait to meet you!
(And then kill you for what you’ve done to his daughter.)
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Are you in?
And with that you’ve bruised his ego beyond repair.
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Let me just take this call
Because you’re that important, right?
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Shh! You’ll wake my mom!
GAME OVER.
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I think I hear the kids
Sex resulted in kids…kids that make it very hard to ever have sex again.
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Wake me up when you’re done
The least you can do is pretend to stay awake rather than say this phrase and remove all doubt.
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What’s your name again?
For the love of all things sensual, use a term of endearment until you can figure it out!
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Aww, it’s cute!
Nothing is cute on a man. Ever.
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I missed my pill
And with those four words you can both enjoy the next few weeks in anticipatory hell.
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Sex used to be fun
You know what you meant by that, but damn if it didn’t come out wrong.
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You’re my first
Holy red flags and sounding alarms!
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What time does Back-to-School Night start?
From Billy needing braces to Mandy’s bad day at school, save the parenting talk for postcoital spooning if you must.
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Are you done yet?
Is that a rhetorical question?
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I’m going to need a drink for this
Gee, tell me how you really feel.
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I think I’m going to be sick
Right now?!
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