Betsy Shaw
posted in Mom Stories
This article in the WSJ argues that space might be the single most important thing a married couple can give to each other.
I totally agree.
“Having enough space, or privacy, in a relationship is even more important to a couple’s happiness than a good sex life, according to a recent unpublished analysis of data from an ongoing federally funded longitudinal study. And women tend to be more unhappy with the amount of space in their marriage than men.”
The part about women being less satisfied with the amount of space they get certainly resonates with me, but maybe not for the reasons the article provides. (Can you say touched out?) I have often said if I were an animal it definitely would not be a tame animal or a pack animal. A tiger or bear maybe, something that isn’t drawn to moving around in pods or herds.
Being a loner is fine and dandy until you get married and have children then discover that you are no longer “I,” but “we.” You are a package deal.
Personal space is no longer a given. When you need space, you have to ask for it, arrange it, earn it, buy it, or simply run away and piss people off to get it.
And it’s important to know that not every person needs the same amount of space. Some, it would seem, don’t need any. So what happens if a person who needs a lot of personal space marries someone who doesn’t want or need a lot of personal space and therefore doesn’t understand the need?
The article suggests some ways to present your need for space without threatening your significant other:
These suggestions include:
• Be specific. Say, ‘I need the afternoon to myself.’ Simply saying ‘I need space’ sends confusing signals.
• Explain why more space makes you happy, so your partner knows it’s not about him or her.
• Enjoy the space you take. Guilt defeats the purpose, says Barbara F. Okun, counseling psychology professor at Northeastern University.
• No secrets. Tell your spouse what you did and with whom when you were away.
• Don’t get carried away. Too much space weakens your connection.
• Don’t forget to schedule couple time and family time, too.
I feel lucky. Even though Ian, my husband, doesn’t seem to need space like I do, he also doesn’t need me to explain why space makes me happy. He gets it. Sometimes he is the one to tell me when I need it.
I am constantly devising ways to get away. Sometimes it’s just taking off on my mountain bike as soon as he gets home from work, or going off to play a few hours of ice hockey. (How embarrassing. I totally sound like a guy.) Other times it’s more formal, like leaving overnight to visit a friend, wander around a city, or go to a book reading or writer’s conference– I find career-enrichment, workshop-type getaways are often the most rejuvenating.
“”Space gives people time to process thoughts, pursue hobbies and relax without responsibilities to others. And the time apart gives partners something new to talk about.
Who needs more space in your domestic universe? Does it ever cause problems?
Read more from source:“babycenter-com-baby”
do you get enough space in your marriage
And here is for the eye:Images from around the web about do you get enough space in your marriage, hope you like them. Keywords: do you remember lyrics, do you remember, do you really love me, do you hear the people sing, do you remember adele, do you remember mp3, do you really love me bebi romeo lirik, do you really love me bebi romeo, do you know lyrics, do you really love me mp3, do you get enough space in your marriage .
do you get enough space in your marriage related images
