by Scott Adler posted in Mom Stories
The other day, I choked up at a wedding. This is something I never do.
Maybe it was because the bride reminded me of my daughter in the way she chases down life as if it’s a story to be written with plot points entirely up to her – her spirit floating above the earth in happiness and a smile that’s tethered to the rest of us by the slimmest ribbon.
Maybe it was because after nearly 12 years of marriage I’ve stopped finding the vows that people in love tend to make – “I promise to support your plan to be a professional potter, even after we have kids” – to be quaint misguided messes. Suddenly, I see them as gorgeous markers of people who are living in that rarest of all space: in the moment.
But what really got me was the bride’s father.
He was one of those robust, quietly successful types who has nothing to prove. He held the microphone with an air of comfort. He smiled at us as if we were the 10,000th audience to wait for his words. And then he talked about how he’d been trying to decode the mystery of his daughter since the day she was born.
My throat tightened, the water turned on. I lost it.
I lost it because I desperately want to know my daughter, understand Stella to her marrow so that I can help her, support her, be there for her in ways I know is impossible with my other relationships but I somehow think should be possible with something born of my blood. I lost it because I’m pragmatic enough to know that there are some strong, natural filters that lie between me and Stella (and, for that matter, Theo) that will likely make that desired bond a fantasy.
The speech done, the dancing began, including the Father-Daughter dance. It was to Sinatra, “The Way You Look Tonight”:
I choked up again as Frank sang “Lovely, never, ever change. Keep that breathless charm” while the supremely confident dad and the dreaming daughter moved across the floor in a way that was not just grace, but love.
If you could dance love between a parent and a child, they did it.
And I thought to myself, maybe it’s okay not to know your child. Maybe it’s enough to just be there.
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