by Samantha Schoech posted in Mom Stories
If you claim you’ve never spent a little of your precious time on earth fantasizing about what help you’d hire when your ship comes in, you are lying. It’s a time-tested fantasy, right up there with surprising all your office mates by singing like Aretha Franklin at karaoke, and giving an Academy Awards acceptance speech.
In most versions of this particular parlor game, you can only hire one. I don’t know why we limit ourselves like this, but I am pretty sure we’ve all had the conversation where each person pipes up with their servant* of choice. Housekeeper! Private Chef! Full time hair and make-up artist (A poor choice if you ask me. You might look like Jen Aniston, but you’ll still have to drive to Trader Joe’s in your beat up Toyota and figure out what to make for dinner.).
I used to choose chauffeur. I hate to drive. I hate to park. But most of all, I hate to look for parking. A chauffeur would save me a lot of time and dread. But, I’ve since changed my fantasy servant. Now I want a live-in nanny.
This live-in nanny will not only care for my children whenever I am unable (or unwilling) to do so, she will also do the kids laundry, keep their room tidy, and cook them their incredibly bland meals. She will drive them places and file their artwork, and change their sheets. She won’t always be with them, but she will be at my beck and call. In short, she will take the grunt work out of parenting, leaving me free to be the amazing mom I know I could be if so much of being a mother wasn’t so tedious and exhausting.
If I had a live-in nanny I would never have to yell or cajole or roll my eyes with frustration. If I had a nanny, I would never get frustrated!
There was a time when I looked down at people with full-time nannies, especially at people with part-time jobs and full-time nannies. I used to think it meant you weren’t as devoted to your kids, maybe even that you didn’t love them that much. It was selfish and strange to hire out much of the raising of your children. But now I completely get it. It has nothing to do with devotion or love (I, for one, am just not the kind of person who expresses my love and devotion through repetitious chores), and everything to do with simplifying your life so you can actually enjoy your kids.
And ultimately, that is my parenting goal: to enjoy my kids. It’s not to be the perfect homemaker or the most active member of the PTA. It’s not to raise trophy kids or host the best slumber parties. It’s to enjoy the little buggers. And, apparently, to try to set the world’s record for longest and most disgusting toenails on a five-year old.
* I do understand that the people who do these job are professionals and that the word “servant” is outdated. Still, it’s a funny word.
What about you? What kind of helper would you hire if the budget allowed?
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