by Gwen Dewar, Ph.D. posted in Mom Stories
Sophia is only 5 years old, but she’s got an adult-sized problem. She is frequently overcome by negative emotions—sadness, fear, anger, worry, or shame. Is this little girl headed for a lifetime of emotional struggles – perhaps even a major bout of depression?
It’s possible. We know that certain personality traits are quite stable over time, and some personality traits put you at greater risk for moodiness, worry, and depression.
But that doesn’t mean Sophia has an inevitable destiny. Children can learn how to better manage their moods. And parents can help them learn. The key? Teaching kids to avoid ruminating over upsetting past events…and to view their bad memories in a new light.
A new study hints at this. Researcher Ekaterina Denkova and her colleagues interviewed 71 young adults and evaluated their personality traits, focusing on the “big five” personality factors — conscientiousness, agreeableness, extraversion, neuroticism, and openness to new experience.
The researchers also asked people to recall emotional memories and rate how happy – or upsetting – these memories were. Finally, researchers measured the effects of these memories on the participants’ moods.
Not surprisingly, everybody felt worse after recounting bad memories. And the people who scored high on neuroticism — the tendency to get “stuck” on negative emotions and to react more negatively to stress and difficult situations — experienced more long-lasting bad moods after recalling negative events. This was true even though none of the participants had ever been diagnosed with depression or any emotional disorders.
By contrast, the people who scored high on extraversion – the tendency to seek out people for stimulation – recalled the highest proportion of happy memories.
But here’s where it gets really interesting: People differed in the way they handled bad memories, and it made a difference in their moods.
For instance, women who scored high on neuroticism tended to revisit bad memories again and again, a process that increases negative emotions and leads a person ruminate even more on upsetting past events. A vicious circle. Men with high neuroticism scores tended to recall a higher proportion of bad memories.
And when it came to responding to bad memories, the people who bounced back faster share certain tactics. Resilient men were more likely to reappraise disturbing memories – to try to interpret these memories in a more constructive or less threatening way. And resilient women were more likely to acknowledge, rather than repress, bad memories.
Co-author Florin Dolcos thinks there are lessons here for everyone, and parents might take note.
Kids who get stuck in bad moods need emotional coaching. They need help learning how to distract themselves from intrusive, negative memories – putting an end to the vicious circle. They need to be shown how to reappraise difficult or disturbing situations. And they may benefit from being encouraging to confront and acknowledge, rather than suppress, the events that distress them.
image by Emushok/wiki images
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